Archive for the ‘in meatspace’ Category

31 recipients, plus or minus?  I guess it depends on how Outlook feels as to whether it will deliver to all or not.  Microsoft must half-ass it on Fridays, just like the rest of us.


Back in high school, I had a baseball cap that read, “W.T. WOODSON CROSS COUNTRY”.  I remember carefully using a stitch-picker to remove the first embroidered “C” to make it spell “ROSS COUNTRY” and thereby started a long-running inside joke among my teammates (You’re in Ross Country, now!)

Apparently, someone had a similar thought, but decided the Cross->Ross transformation needed to be extended all the way to its logical and foregone conclusion:


Kudos to some stranger out there for bringing Ross Geller and his affinity for dinosaurs to a local street corner near you!

(And thanks to my brother David for bringing this to my attention and brightening a stressful afternoon.)

Last night, I was checking the tracking on a package that I expected to arrive yesterday that hadn’t shown up.  I don’t usually have issues with UPS (my normal quick-shipper) but this one came by way of FedEx, which I have less personal history with.  Hoping they hadn’t done something silly like hand-deliver to the guy who was pressure-washing my neighbor’s fence, I logged into FedEx’s tracking system to find the following:

Not Due For Delivery

(red highlighted emphasis mine)

So what exactly happened?  They scanned the package Monday morning at the Concord distribution center, and someone (or something) made the executive decision that because it was “not due for delivery” it didn’t need to go out on a truck that day.  So it got scanned again, sat all day in a big pile of packages (probably also “not due for delivery” yet), and then got scanned again at 9pm, clearly just to taunt me with its “Ha Ha, I’m still not in your house” status.

Did the package NEED to be delivered on Monday?  Probably not. But it seems a little unfriendly to have some sort of corporate policy that says packages “not due for delivery” should be held at a shipping facility until they ARE due, rather than sending them out whenever they are available to go out.  Maybe the driver for my route wanted to knock off early and decided to push it back a day.  Or maybe FedEx knows that gas prices are cheaper on Tuesdays, and wanted to hold off all available packages an extra day?  Whatever the reason, the end result is an impression of not seeming to care about the end-user.  So good luck to you, FedEx.  I hope you make some other person out there really happy by delivering their package a day early, but it won’t be me – I’m headed back to UPS for my future shipping services.

Meesa gonna be missing from da wedding cake!

Yesterday I wrote about enlisting a coworker to play a prank on her Star Wars fan of a fiancé by suggesting they include Jar Jar Binks on their Star Wars themed wedding cake.

She couldn’t wait to carry out the plan, and, well, here’s the recap she emailed to me this morning:

So last night I had my BlackBerry out and I pretended I was looking something up on the internet, but really I was reading from the script you wrote.  His reactions were almost EXACTLY what you wrote.  It was hilarious.  I only made it to his reaction to the name Jar Jar Binks… I laughed too much to finish.

I let him read your email and he was impressed by your Star Wars knowledge.

So there you go – I’d say that went well! And hey, they’re still together, so I don’t have to feel guilty about unintentionally breaking up the happy couple!

Jar Jar Binks

Posted: 2012-02-09 in in meatspace
Tags: , ,

Meesa most hated character in Star Wars!

Those three innocuous words fill any die-hard Star Wars fan with revulsion.

A coworker of mine is engaged to a die-hard fan.  She never watched any of the Star Wars movies until she met him.  He has only “allowed” her to watch Episodes IV, V, and VI (the older ones). [Don’t worry, it’s a healthy relationship – she has absolutely no desire to watch the new ones.]

As I said, he’s a die-hard fan.  They’ve talked about having Han and Leia cake toppers on their wedding cake (I’ll give you one guess whose idea that was.)

So I’m enlisting her in a prank.  I’ve explained who Jar Jar Binks is to her, and she’s going to bring it up to him in a little scene that should go something like this:

Her: Oh honey, I saw the coolest thing today.

Him: Yeah, what was it?

Her: It’s something from Star Wars.  And I want to include it on our cake, ok?

Him: *eyes lighting up* Yes? What was it? A working replica of a light saber? A tie fighter? A foot-high model of the Death Star?

Her: No silly, none of those things.  No, I saw a clip on Youtube.  He’s the cutest character, and so silly.  Let’s see, his name was…Jar Jar Binks, I think?

Him: *aghast* No. No no no no no nononono.  For all that is holy, no. Anything but that.

Her: Oh, why not sweetie?  He’s so cute, with that long tongue, and big floppy ears.  And that cute accent? “Meesa hungry!”  I love that!

Him: …

Her: Oh come on baby, pleeeeease?

Him: No. Anything but that.

Her: Oh, ok, fine.  How about an Ewok then? Or one of those “pod racers” that Jar Jar Binks was fixing? OOH! How about an Ewok riding IN a pod racer? Wouldn’t that be adorable?

Him: …

Him: I’d like the engagement ring back, please.


Come to think of it, maybe this isn’t such a good idea for a prank, after all.

Hmm, it is all starting to make sense now.

Reminds me of a Da Vinci drawing...

And of course, this also reminds me of the famous Groucho Marx quote:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.


(Click to enbiggen)

  1. We’ve got at least one individual with very strong passive-aggressive tendencies in the office.  They also apparently don’t know how to use their spell-check program, although they did quite a nice job at the formatting for the “Low Coffee Level” contestants.  (I would have centered the headings above the blank spaces, but that’s just a personal preference.)
  2. We’ve got at least one smartass in the office (not counting myself [and I did not write either the note or the response])
  3. I am almost positive this is going to escalate into a conflict of epic proportions, and the only solution will be to nuke the coffee machine and have everyone start drinking tea.  Stocking up on my Earl Grey, just in case.